Round Five- Moonshiners, Tourist Traps & Neuschwanstein

After the complete and total nervous breakdown Ma had while getting us from Hannover in the north or Germany to Munich in the south, we were both totally excited about getting on a bus and sightseeing with the other tourists schlepping about.

It was one of those whoop ass double decker numbers.

The cool thing about a guided tour is that you can just kick back, not worry about directions, not worry about getting lost.

So, it's Sunday morning. It's 7:00 am. It's cold. It's cloudy. It's a mile and half walk to the tourist trap station where all the tour buses meet to load. Brrrr.

Again, thank God for Starbucks being worldwide.

This is David. David was our tour guide. He was a friggin riot. Sarcasm, check.
This guy spoke fluently English, Spanish, German, Chinese & Italian. Dayum.

They load us up. Spanish and English speaking folks on bus #1. That would be us.

We found a seat mid way back on the upper deck and settled in for the ride and listen to David say he's coming around to meet and greet in a minute... in English then in Spanish.

Once the bus gets a movin, David comes around to collect the cash for entrance to the castles.

Sort of a sucky McDucky deal, we'd already paid more than 80 Euro for the "tour", nothing said admittance to the places we were going wasn't included.

As he collected, he was chitty chatting with everybody. He asked where we were from. I said "Tennessee" with my very bestest southern twang.

David smiles, "Ahhh, Jack Daniels comes from there. You like Jack?"

I smile even bigger, "Buddy, I love Jack, Jim and Jose."

We laugh. He goes on. I go back to sipping coffee and kicking back.

Money collected. David goes back down and gets on the speaker thing.

"Ok, kids. We are about an hour from Linderhoff Castle. Now there will be lots of tour buses there with lots of groups. It is very, very important that you understand that when I call for you, you get to me."

I look at mom. "Heh. They'll leave our asses if we wander off."

Mom said, "Shut up and listen."

I think Mom was starting to grow tired of me. 9 days had been enough for her.

David continues..... "Now, I could say 'group 1", but there will be alot of 'group 1's'. So, what I like to do is give each of my groups a unique name. And you, babies, will be called 'Moonshiners' named for the folks from Tennessee."

*blinkie* *look at Ma*

"Ain't that some shit, Mama. He digs that I dig Jack. I knew my alcoholic tendencies would pay off in fame one day and now I've got a whole friggin tour named after me."

"You're adopted."

So, on we go. Up a steep ass mountain. Now looking down off the edge of that mountain from the upper deck of that bus just about made me yack.

It was beautiful out there though, once we got to the top anyway.

First stop was Linderhoff Castle. It wasn't really a castle. It was just an overdone house. But it was awesome inside.

King Ludwig, the crazy brother that built it and the other castle, was very particular.

Of course, the castle polize would take your camera and throw you in castle jail if they caught you taking pictures inside.

So, we go through the inside. Ornate. Beautiful. Gold everywhere.
About 5 minutes after we get through, we here it...
"MOONSHINERS!! Get to the bus, pronto!"

Back on the bus, we start off an hour to the east to Neuschwanstein. We went through a little town where the cool little houses were painted like pictures from fairy tales.

The bus was tooling fast but I caught one of them... Hansel & Gretel...

Finally, we get to Neuschwanstein.

Now, this is the castle that Cinderella's castle is based off of at Disney.

This is a mo-hunkin castle.

Anyway, David tells us we have an hour and 40 minutes before our tour for lunch and to walk our asses 1.25 miles from where we were to the gates.

You guessed it. I only thought the stairs of death hurt me.

We had to walk from where I stood to take this picture all the way up...

SHIT!!!! My fat ass is outtta shape!!!

This is Ma telling me not to take a picture of her ass...


Heh... This is a picture of Ma's ass...


This is Me & Vashi (a chick we sat with at lunch) hoofin ass up the mountain...


We finally made it!! David was there to greet us... He smelled like Gin.



This is from the top of the high tower to the north... Bungee jumping?? Anybody???


Anyway, we made it through, without going to castle jail.

But, what a jip, it was only 1/4 of the way completed on the inside.

Ain't it funny, that even in a 400 year old castle, they can make you exit through the gift shop???