Hottie of the Day: Criss Angel

Not only do I notice skanks and bimbos and man-whores, but I take the time to notice extremely sexy people too. You know, the sexy ones who make you stop for a second and say, “Thank you, God!”


My, my, my, my, my, my, my. Can somebody get me a glass of ice water and a set of handcuffs?

I had forgotten just how hot he is since we are currently in between seasons of MindFreak. But just last night, I saw a rerun from last season and it all came rushing back to me. Dang! He’s freakin hot!

I first started drooling over this man a couple years back when I saw him on the strip in Vegas. He was doing card tricks on the street. I didn’t realize who he was until I got home and a good little while later saw him on MindFreak.

In the beginning he was almost scary looking. So, what makes Criss Angel so hot now?

The magician gig. There is something about a mystic that is pure, unadulterated sexy. He is very passionate about his endeavors, which obviously makes Diva think that he would be very passionate in all aspects of his being *wink*.

The hair. He pulls off the long semi-80’s teased look like a pro. Not since Sebastian Bach has any man rocked 80’s mall hair.

The eyes. Mesmerizing. Deep eyes that you could get lost in and not want to find your way back. If you watch his show, you know that he has a dreamy quality going on with those eyes. I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think it is safe to make direct eye contact with him. Might go into hottie shock.

The Abs. Um. Day-um, the six pack. Honestly, the man has the body of a Greek god. With all of the physical preparation and the black belt in karate, it’s no wonder.

Confidence. Although he wasn’t always totally hot, there is a certain self-confident quality about him without cresting that point of being completely stuck on himself.

The Tag Line is even sexy. “Are you ready?” Oh honey, am I.

I’ve decided after my boob job and the bleach, I’d like to have Criss Angel delivered to my door with a big red bow on his forehead. Better yet, he lives in Vegas; deliver me to him by same day service.


Train Wreck on the Horizon

Dear Lord. Won’t it ever go away? What did we do to deserve more drama out of the Anna Nicole family?

Finally, Vergie Arthur *cringe* has quieted down. Finally, Howard K. Stern appears to have went in to relax mode. Nobody has tried to dig her up. There are no more wannabe daddies coming out of the woodwork. Seemed like the train wreck was just about cleaned up and we could all just go on with our lives……

Until 5 minutes ago.

Now it seems Anna’s freak step-sister, Donna Hogan, the author of the much acclaimed biography about Anna Nicole, Train Wreck, is gonna try to step into Anna’s life and live it. Chick is gonna get a new set of boobs and bleach her hair. She’s icky, and borderline scary.

Get this. She’s gonna get the new rack and go try to screw her way into Playboy… *cringe again*.

Wonder how long it’ll be before Howard K. moves in on her? At least she’s got the book profits… that dork doesn’t even have a job now.

For real, the last thing I want to hear on the news everyday is all the crazy shit this broad is gonna do to try and drum up some (apparently much needed) attention. Yup, I could live a thousand lives and be happy never to here any of this crap about Anna Nicole and her screwed up family/friends again.

On second thought, maybe I should start a cause…. Donations accepted for Diva’s boob job and other minor plastic surgeries in an effort to beat that freak skank to the punch. We’ll call it the “Make Diva Famous Fund”.

Mark, you’re in charge of passin the collection plate, pal!


Lame Things I've Heard

Okay. By now, we all know I am a big mouth girl, with an even bigger personality and a colossus opinion about most everything. So, it seems that lately, I’ve had plenty of time to sit back, watch and listen. And some of the things I have heard recently make me want to say, “Um. What?!?!?! Get a grip, you ditz!” This is merely one of them.

***You don’t like me because I’m fat, huh?***

During a discussion about male/female carrying ons, a male friend of mine, Spike*, told me that some girl had said this one to him because he wasn’t paying her the attention she felt like she deserved or wanted.

Oh, please, honey!

Will somebody please explain to me how women figure that if a man is not paying attention to them, or not “liking” them, or not fawning over them, then it’s surely because of that big ass attached to their backside???

First off, I wonder if she ever stopped to think, if a brother isn’t giving her skins, that maybe it’s not her fat butt… maybe it’s the beautiful personality that she displays constantly… You know, the personality that rivals Peyton Manning’s dripping wet sweat sock midway through the 4th quarter of the Superbowl?

B- What man is going to want you when you are oozing ickee-ness all over the bar, grocery store, or library by hitting on and trying to make out with anything and everything with a penis? Seriously, if I was a dude, and I saw a girl (any girl) hitting on one guy, getting the boot, then hitting on the next guy, getting the boot, then hitting on the next guy, getting the boot… I’m not so sure I’d be into her either. That’s just icky.

Thirdly and lastly (as if I don’t wrap it up here, I may keep going on and on)- Diva isn’t exactly a petite, Barbie doll sized girl of perfection. Now Diva knows that, although men do dig up on the arm candy, they also love women who will laugh with them, talk to them and have a great time doing whatever it is they are doing. Diva does not, nor has she ever, suffered from lack of attention from the opposite sex. Because regardless of the size of her blue jeans, Diva has no lack of esteem.


It’s a little thing called self-confidence, sister. You might try looking that one up and studying on it for a minute.

Yup, yup. You don’t dig me because I’m fat…..That’s one of the lamest things I think I’ve ever heard.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent AND the guilty.


How Do I Hate Thee? Let me tell ya now!

I am an office manager for an small biomedical company in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. We are not a million dollar baby. We are not listed as one of the top companies in the Fortune 500. We are of no consequence to anyone, really. That is, anyone but those damn telemarketers, who seem to call more than our customers do. Until the past two days, the last statement was strictly a sarcastic theory.

I have made it my goal in life to give every telemarketer that calls our office so much shit, that they will beg the powers that be to take our multiple phone numbers off of the automated speedy dialer set up they utilize.

I have found out that the low level asshat that initiates this variety of phone call is generally a mega wuss. Scary Diva puts fear in them and they automatically put me through to a supervisor. Which is fine by me, that’s who I’d prefer to bitch at anyway.

The typical call is as follows:

Asshat: Hello, ma’am. I am calling today on behalf of BellSouth.

Me: You’re calling on behalf of BellSouth? Are you BellSouth or some poor schmuck hired by BellSouth to take this ass whipping?

Asshat: We are contracted by BellSouth to contact existing customers with this exciting..

Me: Let me guess, an exciting new plan?

Asshat: Yes, ma’am. We are…

Me: Stop right there. What is the name of your company?

Asshat: (will name off whatever company of the day is)

Me: And what is your name, please?

Asshat: I can not disclose my name.

Me: You can’t disclose your name? Where is your supervisor?

Asshat: I don’t understand, ma’am.

Me: Your supervisor, your boss. Please put them on the phone.

Asshat: One moment.

Asshat supervisor: I understand there is a problem here?

Me: You could call it that. When I get more calls a day from people like you bogging down my phone lines than I do from my customers, that is a major problem for me.

Assshat supervisor: Let me explain why…

Me: No! Let me explain to you. What is YOUR name. I have your company name.

Asshat supervisor: (rambles off a name)

Me: Okay. Now, I would like this to be recorded. Am I being recorded for quality and training purposes, pal?

Asshat supervisor: Yes, ma’am.

Me: Then understand this. I am keeping your name, the name of your company, the time and date that I spoke with you. I would like you to remove our phone numbers from your database. I would like to cease communication from your company. Do you understand?

Asshat supervisor: Yes. We will remove you immediately.

Me: Great. Because we report companies that do not remove us from their call lists/databases after we request it. I now have everything I need to report your company to the FCC for furthering communications after being asked to stop.

So, the story goes. Of course, the FCC doesn’t do shit for a body. You call, register a complaint, and nothing happens. But, it sure is alot of fun to harass the shit out of someone who’s job it is to harass the shit out of me.

The top of my “I HATE THESE GUYS” list is Bell South, followed ever so closely by Birch Telecom.

I also despise all of these shipping companies who try to out screw each other for the tidbit of business they might be able to get. Of which, my response is always, “If I’m gonna get screwed by a freight company, I’m sticking with UPS because our driver is freakin hot. But thank you for calling and trying to win my business! If you’d like to send some hot drivers over here for inspection, I might consider giving you my business, but I warn you. Our UPS guy will be hard to beat.”

Have a great dessert day, pal.



You know when you have real friends in your life just because a simple word or two from them can make all the difference in whether your day goes really rotten or super swell.