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1.14.2008

Analyzations, Constipation, and Heartfelt Thanks

Ahhh, it never ceases to amaze me that I'm so thankful for the structure of a Monday morning. As much as I love Big T and my family, the peace and quiet of my office is sheer bliss. Work is my escape and I digs it.

Analyzation
I have analyzed why, in fact, I resolved not to make any resolutions. I didn't make any, because without a doubt by 12:04 on New Years, they would have been broken anyway so there was no need to bother with it.

I didn't consider a diet, not as a resolution anyway.
The thought of not eating jalapeno poppers at the bar never even crossed my mind. It's the right of any happily married, middle aged woman NOT to starve at a bar, while out drinkin' just because she's a girl & simply put, we don't eat in bars.
God forbid, someone might actually see a girl eating, or think that even though you're a girl, you might be human.

Constipation
It's finally over, and thank God above for it. Childbirth wasn't nearly as annoying and painful as this experience was.

Either the Exlax finally kicked in or the exorcism Big T performed on the demon turd was 100% effective.

Maybe it was drinking the warm water. I did give that a whirl. Maverick's idea.

Maybe it was the threat of buying a snake at Lowes... Chuck's idea.

Maybe it was the weekend attack of porn and Taco Bell as suggested by Rockdog. Happy and FUN idea when you combine the two, by the way.

It was suggested by Amy to punch Big T in the crotch for the simple comfort of making his middle area hurt too, but then porn wouldn't have been as much fun! However, I would have only taken about one more hung chow joke and I would have let him and his boys have it.

Maybe it was the lettuce and spinach sandwich Big T brought me from Subway on Friday. ***Note to self... DO NOT eat jalapenos on a spinach sandwich while gastrically blocked. Sweet Jesus the burn..

I'm just so glad it's over!!! As is Big T, he was running out of constipation jokes.

Heartfelt Thanks
Sunday is the day when our whole entire family (uncles, cousins....) gets together at Gramma & Grampa's pad. We rotate weeks for cooking duty and meet up to eat, play spades, watch NASCAR or football.... Family reunion once a week.

Anyhoo, I had printed out all of the comments wishing Gram's a happy birthday from everyone.

She got all super excited! She thought she had met each and every one of you at some point in the past.

Then again, bless her heart, she thought we were all there to wish her Bon Voyage and that she should hurry and finish packing for her cruise. =)

The happiness in her eyes while she read each word was priceless, kids.
She says, "Thank you for all the birthday wishes!"

I appreciate the all of my friends here on Blogger's Lane. And to answer a question I saw somewhere.... Yes, Blogger friends are real friends.

16 comments:

Leighann said...

Good news all around! I'll tip my glass (or popper) to that!

Jay said...

Yes, blogger friends are real friends .. that is so true. In fact I don't have time for my imaginary friends anymore!

I know some girls who eat in bars. Strippers. LOL

Ever go to a strip club that serves food? They expect or hope that the guys will buy the dancers lunch and those girls can put it away! LOL ;-)

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Amen to that! I LOVE my blogger friends! xoxoxo

Southern Sage said...

Whew!
I'm glad the demons were evicted from your bowels! Sounds like alls well in Divaville!
SS

Mike said...

Blogger friends are as real as any friends....except imaginary friends. They are even more real.

Aren't they?

maverick said...

hey glad that u r doing fit n fine now...n the battle with the constipation is over...lol...btw belated wishes to ur grandma..i updated my blog :)...

Flat Coke and Flies said...

Yes Gram & I DID meet!! Where were you kiddo???


luv jalapeno poppers!!

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Hey Girlfriend - You've been TAGGED! But before you udder a BAD WORD....go check it out - it's FUN & EASY! :) In fact, it totally ROCKS!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

The next time eat some Sliders from White Castles. Those puppies will clear a colon in no time flat!

Robert said...

Amen to blogger friends....I winced when you were talking about using Big T's fella's for a punching bag....Yowza...:):):)

Chuck said...

So, when the massive turd crested the sphincter plane and made its kerplunk into the toilet did you remember to take a picture? Cause you be knowing we'd all like to see this turd baby that kept you all tied up in knots for so long!

:)

And yeah...blogger friends....yadda, yadda...great...yadda, yadda...

Amy said...

spinach, jalapeƱos, and porn... OH MY!

Nosjunkie said...

That was such a sweet idee Diva tottally thoughtfull

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

I had a little bout of constipation myself not too long ago. Nothing worked. I ended up giving birth to what felt like a medicine ball.

Oh, and the jalapenos... hearing ya loud and clear.

Mushy said...

One word for ya...MIRALAX!

Diva said...

Leighann- Cheers, girl!

Jay- Me & my imaginary friends go to this one strip bar where the strippers chow down way too many calories.

Olga- You and me both!

SS- Demons gone. Amen!

Mike- My imaginary friends are the ones who made me constipated, they aren't my friends anymore.

Maverick- Very cool!! Thanks!!

FC&C- Damn. I must have been at the strip club with Jay.

PP- Yah, Krystals will do the same thing, but I can't eat kangaroo meat... gags me.

Robert- Big T's boys were spared. You can rest easy =) hugs

Chuck- After all the grief Big T gave me, you actually think I didn't send him a text of my work or art???

Amy- Trust me, girl. It works better than Exlax.

Lee- Thanks, mamas!!

IF- Them medicine balls will tear ya ass up! I learned it the hard way!

Mushy- Where were you last week with the Mirlax, daddy-o????