Foraging for Pizza, Wish Lists & Comparisons

I got home from work yesterday afternoon to find Big T building a big ass fire in the fireplace down in the love den. He takes pride in his fire building abilities and I respect that. Without his love of fire, I'd freeze my ninnies off.
He'd just got that bad boy blazin' strong when the boy came down stairs to find out what, prey tell, I intended to make for dinner because dammit, he was hungry.

"Why don't you just order pizza??" He asked with actual hope I could detect on his desperate teenage face.

"Oh hell, no. I'm not ordering pizza." I take such joy from raining on his happy parade.

"Fine. I'm goin upstairs." He gets all snappy when i rain on his parade.

"I'll be up in a minute to sling some soup on for ya, pal. Wanna lay the can opener out to expedite the process?" Inside I was gigglin like a school girl.

Eyes all rolled back in his head, "Why don't you ever make anything I like??"

That's all I needed to hear. "Um, who's fault is it we are such a picky eater? Who won't eat anything if it's not chopped, processed, formed and them flash frozen, only to come out of our freezer when you get hunger pains? Who won't eat anything that isn't a breaded piece of fake chicken, pressed and deep fried??"

"God. You are wicked." And off he goes, stomping up the stairs, making enough noise that you would think it was a heard of friggin cattle.

I win.

I smile at Big T, who remained silent throughout the pizza banter. Mmmhmm, he has to come to bed with me, he knows who's side to be on.

"Ya wanna go get a pizza?" I asked. He knew I was just dishing out a load of shit on the boy. That's how I get along with said boy. If I'm not being semi-evil with him, he thinks I'm mad. So, really I'm keeping the peace by being my bitchy self.

"Yah. I'm hungry. I'll tell the boy to come on."

Big T had been seeing commercials for CiCi's Pizza (which makes me gag and spew) and he wanted to go there, as it was on his list of things to do before he dies. *rolls eyes*

It's about 25 minutes to either location of CiCi's in Knoxvegas, so off we went.
We were tooling down the speedway in on a pizza quest at warp speed.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Big T's been on me for months about what do I want from Santa.

Always one to give a good answer, I reply...
"Baby, I got all I could ever want this year already. I have my girls, I have Lil T and now I have you, the boy and a dog. What I want didn't cost anything."

"Whatever. What do you want?? I have everything, but I still always want something. So, just tell me what you want!?!?! I've been listening, I swear to God I have and you haven't said anything or dropped any hints." He's getting frustrated.

"I'll think on it and get back to ya, ASAP." Conversation over.

I really wish he'd just go get me some kind of sentimental, mushy, big ass diamond like they show on the Kay Jeweler commercial, but I'm not gonna tell him that. He'd do it and we'd be broke until Jesus comes back.

Out of the backseat the boy comes up with this, "I think you guys act like Al & Peg Bundy. Well, except you work and don't have flamin red boofy hair."

"Do what? Al & Peg Bundy? Married with Childrens like? Have you lost your goofy teenager mind, boy?" I adjust the rearview to get a good evil look at him eye to eye.

"Well, dad comes home and sits on the couch and just listens to your crap." The boy had an opinion. Nice.

"You're dad does lots of shit around the house. I don't know where you come up with that. Look at the big ass fire blazin'. He's good at makin fires and he doesn't do that from the couch. He's all the time doin somethin to one of the cars and he doesn't do that from the couch."

"Whatever.. I'm right and you know it." He's gloating now.

"Like hell you are. If you're gonna compare us to anybody, I'd say we're more like Dan & Roseanne Conner. I work, I have an opinion about everything and I'm always right. And your dad is always tinkering around with something to look busy, works hard to provide for us, and lets me say and do what the hell ever I want."

Big T chimes in, "Besides, I look more like Dan than I do Al."

I wondered if what the boy was saying is true or not. So, I took a poll within our family. The results are as follows:

4 said we are like Al & Peg.
7 said we are like Dan & Roseanne.

My opinion is that we are some jacked up combination of the two, which is cool. Life will never be boring.

I reckon I should be glad he didn't go and compare us to Homer & Marge.


Jay said...

You know Wal-Mart carries a great take and bake 16" pepperoni pizza for only like $9.99!! The 12" is only $5.99!

I would go with Dan and Roseanne. Al and Peggy were a little too lacking in parenting skills. LOL

Mike said...

So what is wrong with Homer?

I only ask that because my son calls me Homer. I hope he means that in the nicest way possible.

Chuck said...

I was going to say y'all look more like Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw but maybe Dan and Roseanne would be more like it!

CiCi's is gross....cardboard smeared with ketchup would be better. But it's cheap and all you can eat so maybe it ain't all that bad!

Flat Coke and Flies said...

LOL I lurve some CiCi's!!!

I got up the nerve to tell Mr. Wonderful I wanted something shiny...I'm not hopeful but I have no excuse to be pissed if I kept my mouth shut about what I want. ha

BottleBlonde said...

He'd do it and we'd be broke until Jesus comes back.

HAAAAAAAAAAHahahaha! That was GOOD, Diva. VERY GOOD.

Okay, your husband is bald. I have a thing for bald men. Wanna loan him out to me for a couple days? I promise to give him back.

Robert said...

Young lady your a peach...loved the post....If I see Jesus pass by I will give you a heads up so you know your broke.....:):):)..drop over if you have a mind I got something for ya....:)

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

OMG! I LOVE that wedding photo! You love birds are just too precious for words! Buh-wah-hahahahaha! Seriously, that was a great post! I felt just like I was hangin' with ya! ;) Keep it up girl!

Divalicious said...

Jay, if we have pizza, normally it's homemade french bread style, as I am the QUEEN of all things homemade. Dan and Roseanne rock, they have the whole love/hate thing down pat.

Mike, ain't a thang wrong with Homer. Not a thang. But the only thing we have in commmon with the Simpsons is the fact that Big T is bald. My man is smart and he doesn't dig donuts so much.

Chuckie, CiCi's is Kaanasty my man. I generally chew and spew when we go there, and I'm not talking the anorexic type of scarf and barf either. It gags me. Thank God for the salad bar.

FF&C, I actually have to say I like the cinnamon rolls and the salad bar there. I wish you to get some high level bling under the tree on Christmas Day!!

BB, I'd loan him to you for a minute, but I fear the shipping charges would be out-fucking-rageous! I love rubbing his head, it's all fuzzy and it brings all sorts-a good luck.

Robert, thank you so much. I made a dent this weekend. Hurry and find Jesus.. .HELP!!

Olga, you are a beautiful boulder holder. I can't wait til you are literally hanging with us!!