It's Friday, Kids...

First.

I'm not beneath jacking other people's shit.



I'm really not. I have no shame.

So, since I have no morals or ethics AND I've got a huge mental block due to the side effects of having a completely irrational and totally annoying teenage boy in my house...

I'm jacking this here idea from Jay, Leighann & RLL.

Not that I'm nearly as interesting as either of them.

I'm not and don't claim to be.

Anyhoo. I've got mental block.

I'd likes to play Q & A in the same fashion as those guys.

You boys and girls ask me nice & sweet or sick & demented questions and I'll give you an honest to goodness answer.

Either that, or be a sport and give me blog ideas.

I get tired of bitching all the damn time.

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Agenda - Part 2

Shamless and sad self promotion because my ego is small and I have to feel like people around me love me.

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So, I pillaged through Not A Granny
post the other day and decided to jack a few questions to play with from her memememe. Cuz I'm a pirate & that's the way I roll.

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
Uhhhh. Sorry Doc, I know I'm old and fat, but shit happens. Start sending Pampers STAT!

Ehhh, sappy.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes.

Things happen and that reason is to make me completely insane and have total dependance on hot toddies and lollipops.

Can you make a dollar in change right now?
I could make change for a $5. My purse is so heavy with change I could knock somebody out with it if they were tryin to mug me.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Why no. Being in love is better than chocolate.
Oh wait... that's sex. Sex is better than chocolate.
Or is it chocolate is better than sex???

Great, now I'm confused.

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Home from Frankfurt Germany in October 07.
Remind me how much I hate American Airlines next time, will ya??
Delta, come to find out, gives sleepy eye masks, wine & Ben & Jerry's to EVERYBODY nowdays!!

Fuck American Airlines and their cramped seats.

What did the last text message you sent say?

and I meant it.

What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
The fat wallet that buys me flowers, candy, cold beer when we go out and the occassional unexpected bling which is obviously well deserved.


Fill in the blank. I love ________.
Big T and his penis.

Would you make a good parent?

I'm a kick ass mom. I'm the neighborhood mom. I'm the mom who's always making cookies and crap just so they will all come hang out at our pad. I'm not too strict, but they don't get away with anything either.


Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
The fact that I am doing this and watching the clock at the same time is driving me whacko like jacko.

I am the greatest time waster you will ever in your life come across. That's a promise. It's Friday, why isn't it 5:00 yet. I got liquor filled chocolates on my desk and I'd like to bust into 'em.

If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I would change the fact that I have been a bottle blonde, red, brown, black (for a minute) since I was 16. I would remember at 37 what color God actually gave me.


Best place to eat?
Anyplace that serves chicken tacos, cheese enchiladas and fishbowl margaritas is alright with me. Mom & Pop type mexican places are the best. Hottest salsa.

Been to Mexico?
Si, senor. I have been to Mexico... Tijuana, Rosarita, Cabo.
BTW. There's place in Rosarita you can get cheap ass yet mighty tasty Margaritas and $10 lobster tail.... es magnifico.

Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No, but it's only 10:19am EST, there is plenty of time to get my brawl on before midnight. Especially with the attitude the boy has had lately, I workin on it.


What are your plans for the weekend?
I'm sure it will involve karaoke and drinkin beer.




If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY, what would you say?

"We're already married, you dork."


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Lastly-

Oh God. It's Friday.

Not THANK GOD... but Oh God...

Am I the only person alive who dreads weekends?

Two days at home with the boy and I'll be having a psychotic episode.

Pass the fucking Xanex.



Have a good weekend, Boys & Girls!

Friends, Fried Food & Freakin 22's

Ok, so it's officially 2008 now. It didn't even feel like Christmas, and yet it slipped by along with the passing of a nightmare of a year. Good friggin riddance.

Between the cake disasters, underwear crisis, and other wedding nightmares... not to mention the wedding itself... jeeeez.
Glad it's done... bad as it was, it's legal and it's over.

Onward and upward.

Me, I looked at it for what it was. A good reason to have friends over, eat a bunch of fried crap, drink way too much, and loose my ass at poker.
Check. Check. Check. And check. I accomplished every bit of it.

As with any other weekend or holiday, our casa was just brimming full of folks on New Years Eve to ring in the New Year. We always have plenty of crap to do which amuzes us... I mean, seriously... how hard is it to amuze a drunk?? The cursing parrot kept us occupied for a good hour or so.

I made a plethora of nastily perfect deep fried goodies and other finger foods along with homemade dipping sauces. (My marinara is muy excelente).


My lazy ass even went through the hassle of setting all this crap up buffet style, which ain't an easy thing to do with a bunch of brats (i.e. teenagers) running around trying to get into it before it's all done. But, I dished out beatings and yelled enough that the backed off the food until the buffet was set and I got a picture.... for what is good food for if not but to make pictures of it???


Note the cutsie foo-foo little finger sandwiches... Aren't they just adorable??



Yah, enough with the food. I sucked down my share of cold beer (Mich Amber, of course) and Big T inhaled his Jack n Cokes, while Holly & Mario partoook of Segram's and Cranberry stuff (fucking ewww).

So. After we got bored of playing karaoke and driving the kids nuts with songs they had never heard of ever, we decided to play BlackJack, followed up with dealer's choice poker.


If it had been strip poker, I'd have been close to fully dressed, I actually did pretty good. I managed to keep all my chips and then some. Look out Texas Hold 'Em championship... if you switch to strip poker, I'M THERE!!!!

Anyhoo, Mario, God bless his heart, couldn't bid a hand of poker if he had poker brilliance or even the slightest bit of good luck.

Sorry brother, fact is, you suck. Don't go to Vegas, Atlantic City, Tunica or any other casino town. You'd loose your house, your cars, your money, your family, not to mention your ass. Face it, you need your ass.

How is it one can suck so bad?? Well, it's those fucking 22's. He didn't know when to hold and let the deal bust. Oooops. I started throwing extra bets in that the poor boy would hit 22. This would be how I doubled my money. Which pissed him off.
He sucks, I don't. Haha.

Earthquake!!

Or not. It might just be my man snoring as he sleeps. I was blog browsing today when I came upon a blog by Zoning Out Again - Can A Uvuvla Be Cut Out While Someone Sleeps? and it brought back memories of nights that border on semi-insanity.

First, I am so glad that I am not the only person who has a semi-glazed look on her face sometimes from a lack of a good nights sleep.

Second, Anthony still swears I'm insane because he's never heard himself snore. But he does. He must be deaf if can't hear that.

Actually, he was a sport and went to the sleep clinic to get it all checked out after this particular night.

When Tony and I first started dating, we generally would see each other when we could. Then we progressed to staying weekends at one another's house, since we lived nearly an hour away from each other.

We had went to bed after we had watched a movie and cleaned up the kitchen from dinner. We lay there all snuggled and quiet when it started. At first it was just deep, deeep, deeeeeeep breathing. But after about 5 minutes, it sounded and felt like an earthquake. After lying there for a few minute and assessing the situation, I realized he would breath in really deep, quit breathing then exhale. This attibuted to the volume of the snoring itself.

Well, the snoring set off the dogs, which are caged at night. The two dogs took turns howling and barking. I got up, opened the door and they barked even louder.

So, there I am, in fairly unfamiliar territory, in my PJs, standing in a scary dark hallway with two caged and barking dogs.

I covered my ears and closed my eyes, but when I opened them, I was still there. It's not a dream. He'd snore in really loud, the dogs would freak and bark like crazy. All of this at 1:30 am.

I made my way down the hall to the couch only to find his son sleeping there instead of his bedroom. So, I went in his room to find my daughter had called claim on the bed, which is why the boy was on the couch to begin with.

By this time, the symphony of loud snoring and dogs barking was making me insane. I really thought I was losing my mind, since all this racket didn't seem to be bothering anybody else.

I had no other choice. I had to escape. I fumbled around and found my way back to the bedroom. Somehow I located my purse and shoes by the side of the bed. I grabbed the small throw blanket from the bottom of the bed and took off. Back down the dark and scary hallway I went. Feeling my way along until I made it to the back door. Yes! I made it! This was December and it was cold out.

I found my keys in my purse and got in the car. I fired up the car, cranked up the heat, pulled the blanket over my me. No sounds but the sound of the radio as low as it would go and me still be able to hear it.

Somewhere around dawn, Tony realized I was gone, but saw the headlights shining through the livingroom window. He came outside to find out what had happened, so I told him.

Needless to say, he made the appointment and went to the doctor over it. He told the doctor he had to fix it or I'd never marry him.

Ain't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard???

Honey, I've Been Violated

So, I'm still extremely new to this living in the same house and sharing the same bedroom full time thing. Not that it's bad. Actually, it's quite nice being able to reach over in the night and play with his hair or crawl across the bed and give him a light little kiss while he's sleeping.

What is taking some definite time to get used to is the fact that his alarm clock is a screamer! When I say screamer, I don't mean one of those annoying buzzer sounding things. I mean it's an indescribable sound that has rattled my ass awake a 4:45 in the morning. Not only does it rattle my ass awake, the clock actually grows legs, walks around the bed to my side, shakes the piss out of me, picks me up and drops me right in the middle of the bedroom.

Now, I'm not a morning person by any means. It really doesn't matter if I get 4 or 8 hours of sleep. But when that damn thing goes off before the chickens are even awake, that's a problem for me. Especially since his ass doesn't get up when it goes off the first time. No. He slaps the snooooze button like 6 times. So, six times I get picked up and dropped on my ass in the middle of the floor before daylight. What the hell? We are gonna have to find an empass. A new alarm clock, maybe? Setting the bitch a little later instead of hitting snooooooze so many times, maybe?

Anyway, so he finally wakes up after the 7th roar of the alarm. I'm wide awake already. Sitting up in bed, smoking a ciggie, waiting for coffee to get done. Me and the cat staring at him, daring him to hit snooooze again. Thank Jesus, no more snooooze button.

He rolls over, smiles all sweet and says, "Honey, I know I complain alot."

"What's the matter?" I ask in the sweetest 5am voice I can muster.

"Well, I woke up and had to pull this out of my ass." He says as he hands the DVD player remote to me laughing his ass off.

God bless his little heart. I love him so much. Maybe this is the answer to my being late to work every day. If I'm dropped in the floor and wide awake by 5am, surely I can make it work work on time by 8:30?