Honey, I've Been Violated

So, I'm still extremely new to this living in the same house and sharing the same bedroom full time thing. Not that it's bad. Actually, it's quite nice being able to reach over in the night and play with his hair or crawl across the bed and give him a light little kiss while he's sleeping.

What is taking some definite time to get used to is the fact that his alarm clock is a screamer! When I say screamer, I don't mean one of those annoying buzzer sounding things. I mean it's an indescribable sound that has rattled my ass awake a 4:45 in the morning. Not only does it rattle my ass awake, the clock actually grows legs, walks around the bed to my side, shakes the piss out of me, picks me up and drops me right in the middle of the bedroom.

Now, I'm not a morning person by any means. It really doesn't matter if I get 4 or 8 hours of sleep. But when that damn thing goes off before the chickens are even awake, that's a problem for me. Especially since his ass doesn't get up when it goes off the first time. No. He slaps the snooooze button like 6 times. So, six times I get picked up and dropped on my ass in the middle of the floor before daylight. What the hell? We are gonna have to find an empass. A new alarm clock, maybe? Setting the bitch a little later instead of hitting snooooooze so many times, maybe?

Anyway, so he finally wakes up after the 7th roar of the alarm. I'm wide awake already. Sitting up in bed, smoking a ciggie, waiting for coffee to get done. Me and the cat staring at him, daring him to hit snooooze again. Thank Jesus, no more snooooze button.

He rolls over, smiles all sweet and says, "Honey, I know I complain alot."

"What's the matter?" I ask in the sweetest 5am voice I can muster.

"Well, I woke up and had to pull this out of my ass." He says as he hands the DVD player remote to me laughing his ass off.

God bless his little heart. I love him so much. Maybe this is the answer to my being late to work every day. If I'm dropped in the floor and wide awake by 5am, surely I can make it work work on time by 8:30?