Only at THE Waffle House

There are some things that you just expect when you are on a 3am-after-party-food expedition. Granted at 3am, choice are limited to few establishments.

After partaking in my fair share of cold brew and closing down Coyote Joe's on Wednesday night, the whole load of us decided food was in order as it was late & we were packing a cool buzz. Never mind that my ass had to get up at 7:00am to finish brocolli casserole. So, personally, I was in need of coffee.

Where else would ya go at 3am on Thanksgiving morning for a little sobriety effort? Why, Waffle House, of course.

We wandered in giggling and cackling about anything and everything. All it takes for me to get tickled is enough beer and somebody else starting to laugh. No shit, laughing & yawning are contagious around me.

We finally played musical chairs long enough, got seated and our waitress came over. She was obviously annoyed that she was working and she was obviously even more annoyed that she was dealing with us. If you have to work that shift, at least make an effort to enjoy it.

Whatevers. This poor chick had the personality of a wet-sweat-sock. She took 2 of our orders, not speaking between, just sort of grunting at whoever happened to be next.

Just as she grunted toward #3, her cellie rang. The fact that she had her cellie on her was no big deal. Even the fact that it rang while she was waiting on us was no really big deal even. But when the bitch cut me off mid-order to answer it, now that just pissed me off. Her side of the conversation went this-a-way.

"I gotta answer this." She grunted as she lowered her head, still facing our table(presumably so her boss wouldn't see).

"Hello? Who is this? Who is this?" She acted like she didn't know who HE was.

"Who the hell is this, I'm at work and I have customers." Why the hell would you tell somebody you don't even know that you are currently at work and are waiting on them?

"Jesus, Robert. No, I'm not talking to anyone else." She DID know his ass.

"How can I be cheating if I'm working?" Apparently, Robert didn't have any faith that she was truly working. I guess that Waffle House distinct waffle and bacon smell being emitted by her apron wasn't enough proof.

Taucha, my drunk monkey friend, decideds she wants to talk to Robert. So, the waitress obliges (and takes another little bit of our order). After only 2.7 minutes, Taucha hands her the phone back and says to our lovely server, "Lose him, girl. He's a dick."

Mario getting on the phone didn't help. It made Robert believe that she really was in the cubicle of a bathroom bangin' the customers.

We all figured Robert would show up waving a semi-automatic threatening to blow up the Waffle House and everyone in it because in his head he believes that his girl was fucking us all.

Get a grip, pal. Let the girl bring home the bacon in piece you loser.

Piss Off, Buzz Kill

I've finally figured out that most of my knee shaking epiphanies hit me while my ass is firmly planted on a bar stoll. This past weekend was, without doubt, no different.
I finally realized why, in fact, my past few months have been, how shall I say, like stink on shit.

Although I'm extremely happy with Big T, I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way... I've packed on 20 pounds since I got married and my clothes are too tight... which has led to me being severly annoyed at everything... which led to my lack of tolerance to drama in any circle in my life. I got enough drama dealing with my ever expanding ass to deal with anybody elses bull-caca.

I've decided that all the petty bullshit and disharmony must be flushed from my life like a Biore strip removes the blackhead on a super model's ass.

I was in the midst of three different people, on three seperate occassions, having three separate issues during the long weekend, who, for whatever their reason, seem to tote sadness, misery and all out drama in their purses.

Swear to God, after number 2 acted up, I was seriously considering becoming a recluse and avoiding all humanity until these three got it together. Jeez.

My advice to them, get happy. Nobody wants to be around somebody who can't smile and just share in the happiness. The world does not spin on its little axis simply for you to be in the center of it, no. Your problems are no bigger than anybody else's. Get a grip, get a job. It's life, get one.

There is absolutely no sense what-so-ever in all this crap.

How's that? I just needed to get that off my chest. I'll put on my hater blockers, go have some Chai Tea and meditate.

The Internet Age... Jeeez

I have never been interested in meeting anybody in an online setting. I crusied some of the sites and even checked out some of the adult type friend sites. But, when it came right down to it. I never met anyone because I'm too much of a chicken shit.

I mean you hear horror stories of people meeting in person and one or the other, or neither of them, is what they claimed they were. Or look like that picture they sent you.

Call me old fashioned, but when I was looking to meet somebody, I would rather it be over the cucumbers in the produce section of the local Piggly Wiggly, or maybe over a goofy "cooking for one" book at the library.

I joined MySpace last year to comment and cut up with my REAL LIFE FRIENDS. I never accept "friend requests" from people who I have never met in MY REAL LIFE. Nor do I ever randomly pour through page after page of people requesting them to be my friends. No. If I don't know ya in real life, then you'll never make it past the gate.

I know more than a few people who have met their significant other online (eHarmony, Match.com, MySpace...) and who have actually made it for a minute. But I know of none who has made it for the long haul. Why?

Well, in this day and age, it seems that those in the online dating community just shift around. Maybe its because there are so many available folks out there just lookin for love in all the wrong places.

It's a meat market for reals. But, it's not like a meat market as a bar would be. No. Say you go to your favorite bar or club. Yah, it's a fashion show. Yah, everybody is there hoping to meet someone unless they are there with someone.
But, at least you now when you are talking to them face to face, they aren't sitting there browsing profiles of others while they are talking you up.

I don't know. I guess I was jaded, or tainted against this kind of crap. I'm not a very trusting individual since a guy I was seeing in the last century was a total computer dork that (I found out later) was always looking at online personals and profiles.

Now you're prolly sitting there thinking, why is she going off on this lame ass tanget? What the hell pulled her trigger today?

Well, friends, I'll tell ya. There's a dumb-ass on AOL and yahoo who surfaces now and again thinking we're the best of friends. Before MySpace, he used to comb AOL profiles and email unsuspecting females. I guess so he would have someone to talk to or whatever. Anyway, I guess it was middle of last year, after he joined MySpace, he surfaced again, showing 198360876 (exaggerated for impact) friends, all of which are female. Which proves my point. Or maybe it doesn't. I'm sort of annoyed right now.

So, today on my little yahoo messenger thingy, I posted my status as "I'll never paint again, swear to God!" And I guess it piked his little curiousity button somehow. So, he (out of the blue) decided to IM me... Lord have mercy...

The conversation went a little somethin like this:

Dork: ok, I just gotta ask why won't you ever paint again?

Me: Because I have no feeling left in my arms from painting over dark colors with white like I promised my landllord. lol

Dork: see you should of called me you know thats whats i do for a living****

****NOTE: Actually, I didn't know that, but whatever

Me: Nopie, didn't know that.

Dork: yes i told you when we first started talking i remodel houses for a living

Me: How long ago was that though? And how long has it been since we talked? Prey tell, do you remember what I do or where I live?

Dork: couple days...lol just kiddon and in winter months

Me: No, it was well before last summer. And as I recall I wasn't interested in talking to you because you find it to be wonderful to collect women friends online.

Dork: no it wasnt you must be thinking of that other man lol

Me: I talk to no other men, other than the one I'm about to marry***

****NOTEThat is not all together true. I have REAL LIFE FRIENDS that are male and I certainly talk to them.

Dork: see

Me: See what? You act like you know me.

Me: He lives with me, I don't talk to him online (Also not completely true, he lives with me part time until we actually jump on the weddin train)

Dork: well that's cool


Then the dork went silent and didn't bother me anymore. I just get irritated that people have so little value for someone else's time I suppose.
Anyway, he is like every other person out there waiting to see some long lost person they added on to their buddy list, so they can feel important because they are chatting it up.

GET A LIFE!