Give Me My Friggin Fortune Cookie, Dude!

There is a tasty little Chinese Food place here in Oak Ridge that offers take out from the buffet. It's very good; it's always fresh, and super-dooper tasty! (Not to mention they always score well when the pesky healthy inspector happens to drop in unannounced).

Now our office has been in Oak Ridge for a many moons and my boss and I have traveled many miles, many times to partake of this sweet and sour plethora of tastiness.

I go so often that when I walk in the door, the little dude says, "Ahh. To go, right?", and hands me my little environment-killing-Styrofoam container with which I am set free into the pasture of goodness.


I'll graze for a few minutes, making my choices wisely. They have garlic beef w/broccoli, sweet n sour chicken, general tsao chicken, and my personal favorite - mixed spicy vegetable.

Then I wander over to the sauces and get a nice ladle full of that hot-ass mustard (yah, that stuff that when you get it in your mouth it makes your eyes water and your nose run… that stuff that makes you beg Jesus for forgiveness for eating something so friggin hot.)



All sounds like a beautiful lunchtime excursion in the making, yah? Well, no. I love the food at this place. It’s marvy, but the folks that run the place and work there make me more nervous than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs…

FLASHBACK…
Now I don’t know if I’m just traumatized from being married to a man who’s mother and all of her friends are Korean and you know they talk about you in their language while you’re standing there… All the while they are looking at you, nodding their heads, laughing and smiling as the chatter on… Bring on the cold sweat… I know those bitches were talking smack and plotting my untimely demise by way of extra spicy food.

BACK IN THE NOW
So, my selections are made, my mouth starting to water. I close up my little lunch box that still has steam pouring out the sides. I carry it to the front, so as to pay for it.

Let the uncomfortable state of affairs begin.
I am going towards the front to obtain my chopsticks, Diet Pepsi to go and to pay. When I notice the gaggle of them standing there… looking my way…. giggling like school girls… The skank at loitering at the cash register talking to dude keeps covering her mouth and saying “sorry” “sorry”.

Now this is what really just jerks my chain:
Don’t you expect to get a friggin fortune cookie when you have Chinese food? I mean, you eat in, they bring you the bill with a fortune cookie. You call for take-out, you go pick up and pay for it, in the bag you get your fortune cookie.
Right?

Well, not here. I think it’s just this guy’s way to annoy me. A kind of battle of the wits. He ain’t giving me no fortune cookie unless I ask for the fortune cookie.
And even then, it’s iffy if the asshat puts it in the bag.

Frankly, the guy who owns the place reminds me of the SOUP NAZI from Seinfield. NO COOKIE FO YOU! Be gone now!

I’d start screaming to give me my fortune cookie or I’m going across the street to Wok n Roll. But those guys suck big balls and I hate their food, generally greasy as hell and cold… but they give Diva her fortune cookie without her having to beg.