Piss Off, Buzz Kill

I've finally figured out that most of my knee shaking epiphanies hit me while my ass is firmly planted on a bar stoll. This past weekend was, without doubt, no different.
I finally realized why, in fact, my past few months have been, how shall I say, like stink on shit.

Although I'm extremely happy with Big T, I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way... I've packed on 20 pounds since I got married and my clothes are too tight... which has led to me being severly annoyed at everything... which led to my lack of tolerance to drama in any circle in my life. I got enough drama dealing with my ever expanding ass to deal with anybody elses bull-caca.

I've decided that all the petty bullshit and disharmony must be flushed from my life like a Biore strip removes the blackhead on a super model's ass.

I was in the midst of three different people, on three seperate occassions, having three separate issues during the long weekend, who, for whatever their reason, seem to tote sadness, misery and all out drama in their purses.

Swear to God, after number 2 acted up, I was seriously considering becoming a recluse and avoiding all humanity until these three got it together. Jeez.

My advice to them, get happy. Nobody wants to be around somebody who can't smile and just share in the happiness. The world does not spin on its little axis simply for you to be in the center of it, no. Your problems are no bigger than anybody else's. Get a grip, get a job. It's life, get one.

There is absolutely no sense what-so-ever in all this crap.

How's that? I just needed to get that off my chest. I'll put on my hater blockers, go have some Chai Tea and meditate.

Adreneline Bubble Has Burst...

Just down in the dumps. Don't feel good. Blah. Miserable and on a self serving pity party.

Somebody Just Shoot Me... Thanks!

So, after the boy's football game Friday night, I'm tired and I feel just nasty. I was full of Italian Ice, as I had engulfed like 5 during the game trying to cool of. I'd had sweat running from my neck, down my back, directly down my butt crack. That, my friends is not a nice feeling.

Even with feeling grody and tired, I still hoped to go home and get a little lovin after a nice cold shower. Know what I mean? I think ya do.

But, no. Why is it that I can never seem to get rid of both of teen-aged-mutants at the same time? Amanda, my girl, was spending the weekend at Jessie's (the child that claims me as her other mother).
But, the boy couldn't stand it, he had to stay home. Worse yet, he had to stay awake. So, we get home, I go take a shower and I go to bed.... to sleep.

Hell if I didn't wake up early, before the boy. So, I poke Anthony and told him wake up and GET R DUN!!! Door was closed and I was under the blanket. I got too hot, so I go and throw/kick/pitch/toss the blanket in the floor.

Well, Anthony's cell phone was in the livingroom. His phone rang. Matthew decided to answer it. Matthew decided that he would just bust into MY bedroom to tell his dad that Mario was on the phone.

Sweet Jesus. Now up until that point in life, I don't believe anything has ever both made me absolutely furious and at the same time nearly given me a heart attack.
BUSTED!

This non-knocking problem we are having is getting a little bit on my nerves.
Admittedly, I am most likely the most sexual natured I know. I dig it. I want it.
I just can't help it.

But even my horns are nipped in the bud knowing that kid is in the house lurking. There have been numerous times I've just decided to forego play time just because I'd hate to think about anybody else in the house knowing.

GRRR!!!! Can we say frustrated???

I mean, I swear, I think he has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing if and when we may be even considering having sex. It's like he goes that extra mile to keep trying to drive a wedge of any kind between me and Anthony.

Makes me nervous to have anything in my room, let alone my happy drawer.
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Then this happened:

So, I get started to get over getting busted by the boy. And I go outside to start working on the cleaning out of the shed. This shed is barely a shanty. It is missing the bottom boards on the walls, so it's wide open to anything and everything that wants in.

Ok, now there is a reason that shed was in the shape it was in. I don't dig going in it and flat refused to go in it for three years.
Not to mention the fact that I'd seen various critters and rodents zipping in and out of there. *shiver*.

But, the time had come. We have a week to be getting all of my crap up and out of the house. Which means the shed had to be cleaned too.
I get the broom, the hair spray and my lighter and head out back where the shed stands.

I stand outside, looking to see what sort of arachnid may be lurking up above my head or down below my feet. Ewwww. Dark, scary and spider infested.

So, I finally take the broom, poke it inside the shed and start swingin like a wild woman at whatever might be in my path. When I didn't feel that was enough, I took the hairspray and lighter and started blow torching anything that appeared to be an insect of any sort. The smell of sizzling spiderwebs is a lovely one.

My spider problem apparently taken care of, I forge ahead. Looking at the piles of shit that were piled into this shed nearly three years ago when I moved into the house. I decided that if it had been in the shed for damn near three years and not missed, that it wasn't ever going to be missed. Rahter than digging through the boxes, I hauled them right out to the bed of the truck. Locked and loaded for the Knox County dump.

I had gotten most of the crap our, when I thought I heard something. It was a rustling around sound. I stopped and assessed what it might be. I didn't see anything. So, I turned around to get another box and IT ran over my foot.

Well, I'll swear I thought it was a 2 foot rat. After nearly having the second heart attack of the day and hearing IT run into a window thinking it was a way out of the shed, I saw it. A baby rabbit.

Still when I'm confined in an icky space where I'm already paranoid, I don't even want the cutest of furry woodland creatures hippity-hopping over my foot.

Bearded Lizards & Lightnin' Bugs

My household is short one member this morning. My daughter is super sad.

I woke up around 1-ish this morning and the livingroom lights were on. I rounded the corner to find my child, her boyfriend and my new son sitting around looking extremely sad.

My first instinct was to be pissy because the boyfriend was still here. Then I figured by the solemn expression on each face that something indeed was troubling them.

The next thing I noticed was the lizard’s habitat was not in the girl’s bedroom, but in the livingroom with the depressed looking children. I was told the lizard was passing into the next life. Immediately, I was transported into late night depression too.

FLASHBACK: “Mom, we’re goin out to catch lightnin bugs,” my daughter said.
They came in and went to the bedroom, where the lizard habitat is housed, lightning bug contraption in tow. Out of the bedroom I hear them giggle as the lizard must have been performing tricks to get the treat.

Lizards eat bugs, that’s nature. So, they figured since it would jump across its home to get a cricket, it would jump in the air to get a flying critter. They finish feeding it 3 of the luminescent delicacies. And put in a movie. That’s when I went off to bed.

BACK TO THE NOW: So, whilst Diva slept, the lizard was becoming very ill. By the time I woke up, it was too late. They had looked it up on the internets. Fireflies are TOXIC and not to be ingested by any other living creature.

We will be burying Joey today. Out back. Next to the rat that didn’t make it through baby rat birth. I suppose in order to ease her sadness, I’ll wait a day or two and go get her another reptilian playmate. We’ll try a snake this time I think.

Fat From the Feeding Frenzy

Drama, drama, drama. Some of us tire of hearing it over and over. However, there are many, many folks out there who do nothing but sit and wait for drama, any drama, to happen.

They feed on what they are fed until a new feeding frenzy starts up.
Honestly, since Monday, how much have you heard about Anna Nicole and her circus of drama?

Not much, huh? Because the new frenzy has started. They’ll run the Virginia Tech angle into the ground until the next huge blog of drama drops into the laps of the media.

It’s not a new deal… to exploit the sorrow, sadness, tragedy of others.

• Diana & Dodi
• JFK Jr. & party
• The D. C. Sniper
• Jennifer “Runaway Bride” Wilbanks

Who cares?? Not me, but apparently lot of folks get sucked into huge drama to escape from their own.