Do Orangutan's Have A Penis Bone?

Yah. I’m back home and totally enjoying the comforts of my OG and my happy little office. It’s always nice to get to travel far and wide, but even nicer to come home… especially since I had only been married a scant week when I had to leave on that jetplane. But that’s another story all together ain’t it?

So, OG and I have been known to have some pretty interesting conversations in the last 7 years that we have worked together. No holds barred. Really. We talk about anything and everything. Which brings me to what we are talking about here.

At lunch, we generally find some kind of magazine full of gossip or short, yet hilarious ditties. The conversation turned interesting when I found a short article about an ape who doesn’t dig girl apes…. Read this… you’ll love it.

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Sibu the Orangutan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes.

Apenheul Primate Park hoped Sibu would become its breeding male when he arrived two years ago, but orangutans aren’t his type.

“He chases them, or ignores them, but he doesn’t do what he should do,” said a spokeswoman for the park.

Instead, Sibu fancies his female keepers, especially blondes. That, the spokeswoman said, was common for orangutans but Sibu has a fetish for tattoos, harking back to a heavily tattooed keeper who reared him.

“Orangutans have special interests in special subjects. Sibu happens to like tattoos,” she said.

So, this brought up the question of whether orangutans have a penis bone like most other mammals or if their penis gets hard like a human penis does. Yah, I know what you must be thinking…. perfectly acceptable, lady like lunchtime conversation. So, we finished up our lunch and google’d it, as we google every sick and twisted thing we can think of. And we found out that an orangutan does, in fact, have a penis bone.

OG has decided that I, being the blonde and tattoo’d chippie that I am, should stay the hell out of Amsterdam.

Just thought I’d share that tid-bit with you kids. Cheers!

F*&k You Like An Animal

Dear Lord.

The things I hear come out of Miss A's (my teenage daughter) domocile.

My house was infested with her and her little teenage friends last night.

So, I'm painting last night in the hallway between my bedroom and hers when I hear, "Oh my God, he's raping her!"

Being somewhat alarmed that they were watching something questionable on the boob-tube, I put down my paint roller and wander in there to find out who's raping who.

As it turns out, it was her latest acquisition of animal friend. Rats.

Not long ago, we lost our dear bearded lizzard to a firefly.

Well, she didn't waste any time finding a new pet.

Actually, she got one, her boyfriend got one, her friend Jesse got one, her friend Cody got one, and Aaron got one.

They were supposed to reside at Josh's house.

But, Monday night, here come the teenagers with this huge tank of rodent friends.

Not to mention that Amanda's rat just gave birth to 9 babies, that will be full grown soon enough.

I've already demanded that they be sold, released away from the house or taken back to Josh's dad's pad.

Anyhoo...

Turns out that one of the boy rats was horny as hell and he was chasing this girl rat around and around and around the cage.

Apparently he got lucky for a split second and caught up with her.

Which explained who was raping who.

Other things I heard come out of that room last night whilst rolling paint on the walls:

- Damn, if that was me, I'd have done given up, lit me a cigarrette and counted my losses. (In reponse to the chase for ass)

- Well, those two ate him because he had a big package and they were sick of it. (In response to why the one albino rat was missing).

Bearded Lizards & Lightnin' Bugs

My household is short one member this morning. My daughter is super sad.

I woke up around 1-ish this morning and the livingroom lights were on. I rounded the corner to find my child, her boyfriend and my new son sitting around looking extremely sad.

My first instinct was to be pissy because the boyfriend was still here. Then I figured by the solemn expression on each face that something indeed was troubling them.

The next thing I noticed was the lizard’s habitat was not in the girl’s bedroom, but in the livingroom with the depressed looking children. I was told the lizard was passing into the next life. Immediately, I was transported into late night depression too.

FLASHBACK: “Mom, we’re goin out to catch lightnin bugs,” my daughter said.
They came in and went to the bedroom, where the lizard habitat is housed, lightning bug contraption in tow. Out of the bedroom I hear them giggle as the lizard must have been performing tricks to get the treat.

Lizards eat bugs, that’s nature. So, they figured since it would jump across its home to get a cricket, it would jump in the air to get a flying critter. They finish feeding it 3 of the luminescent delicacies. And put in a movie. That’s when I went off to bed.

BACK TO THE NOW: So, whilst Diva slept, the lizard was becoming very ill. By the time I woke up, it was too late. They had looked it up on the internets. Fireflies are TOXIC and not to be ingested by any other living creature.

We will be burying Joey today. Out back. Next to the rat that didn’t make it through baby rat birth. I suppose in order to ease her sadness, I’ll wait a day or two and go get her another reptilian playmate. We’ll try a snake this time I think.