Hooters, Jolly Roger, Biker Underwear & A Naughty Chicken

It's Tuesday again kids and you know what that means!!! A naughty chicken in honor of my bachelorette party and Speedcat Hollydale's quest to bring joy to an otherwise boring existence.


Ya gotta love a bunch of Pirate Chicks along with those who dare to come along for the ride.

They never let a special event go by without celebrating with cake and alcohol.

Becky and Natalie decided that come hell or high water there should be a bachelorette party the week before the wedding.

Thank God they had the sense not to have the party the night before the wedding or I would have never made it.

Yes, my friends. I got soused.

Diva + cold beer + shots of jack = hangover city

It was a beautiful evening, not too hot, not too cold. We all met up at Hooters for dinner and a drink. It was nice. Our little waitresses were super sweet, although I must say, I honestly thought I'd see more tits and ass. Not that they weren't precious in their little Hooters gear, they were. But my 14 year old neice has more boobie and butt than these poor girls had.
Meet Ashley and Felicia:


The Hot boneless chicken tenders were tasty as all hell, my lips were nice and tingly for a while though. The girls decided to get me a cute little shirt to commemorate the joyous occassion.

In general, Hooters doesn't see many bachelorette parties, but they do get hoards of bachelor parties... So, they improvised and got the Bachelor Party Shirt and turned into a Bachelorette Party shirt that all the little girls in tight Hooter's shirts signed with loves n kisses.

We decided that it was time to continue on and move the festivities to Coyote Joe where Natalie and Holly had decorated and made it look like a scene from a slasher flick with the "Wild Girls- Caution" tape.
They adorned Diva with a princess tiara which boldly stated that I am indeed the Bride to Be... and if there was any question left due to the tiara being hiddeny by my hair which was erect like a hard penis, then the big Bride to Be button aptly placed between my breasts certainly gave it away.

So, we go in and invade the corner lot of CJ, nothing different there.

Olga made a real honest to God rum cake. It was a Jolly Roger, cuz she knows how pirates roll.



We love the booty, especially rum laced booty.

It was time to have a little fun. We had games on tap, and honestly, watching them set up the Pin the Bow-Tie on the Bachelor was more fun than playing it. Amanda gave the poster a hard on when she licked it from thigh to belly-button.

And Steph gave our bachelor a nice sized penis to look at...

We had Do the Dare Cards. The name alone implies that there will be some mischief going on.

I need to state that, I, as the bride to be, didn't do anything extreme.

Quite the contrary, I was very well behaved.

Four of the six cards I drew from the deck were completed by our sweetheart of a bouncer. God bless you, Steve-O!

Diva's cards dared her to:
-get the bouncer to laugh for 100 points. Done!
-get a hunk to give her a neck massage. Done!
-get the phone number of a hot guy. Done!
-get a man to show you a hidden tattoo. Done! It was on his upper thigh.
-get the bartender to give you a free drink. Done!
-find a guy, grab his ass, and tell him he has a nice ass. Done! Twice.
(Steph was witness. Two guys, two butts, double points!)

Here are some photos of the festivities! Enjoy!

Shawna found a baldguy & kissed him on top of his head.

Natalie and Amanda took the cake when they talked one of the big biker boys out of his drawers.

Insight on Women - Part Deux

Women are catty. Especially toward each other. Especially when on woman has performed an act of woman on woman betrayal. It is not something taken lightly and is most likely not to be forgiven.

Over the last several years, I have emerged from spending most of my time locked in the house and being a slave to my life, kids, ex-husband…. blah, blah, blah. I was young (17)when I married my first husband and didn’t experience the “meat market” type bar scene in which women are all in competition with one another to take some schmooo home. Pu-leaze.

Then I toddled into life as a single, grown woman. It was never my intention to pick up on any dude at all. We (the Pirates) were always out, and if you saw one, the rest weren’t too far behind. We generally were out together, as a group, on Wednesday and Friday for close to a year. During that year I witnessed several acts of sluttiness on various levels and even fell victim once to a chick chasing my fella. Of course, this chick (as it turns out) has extremely low self esteem and chases anything with a penis.

Even though I’m not single anymore and I have no desire to go back to yesterdrama… Damn if I don’t hold a helluva grudge toward someone in particular that recently not so directly crossed my path. She was just in the area. The fur on the back of my neck stood up and my claws came out and if I’m not mistaken, I think I even hissed a few times. And they wanted me to come out and have a drink in the same bat bar at the same bat time?? Um. No. I’ll stay home and watch Burn Notice, thanks!

Expressing interest in a man that another woman has already expressed interest in is a huge no-no. Even if you are sadly repugnant and shameless. Wouldn’t you rather keep your girlfriend (who you know will be there for you for life) than to stab her in the back in order to have a one night fling with a man who is going to talk down about you to his friends and other lovers who know about you?

Kissing another girl’s man when she goes to the bathroom is also a big no-no. Seriously. Do you think that his girl isn’t going to find out that you waited until she got up and excused herself from the table, before you not-so-eloquently shoved your tongue down his throat? If the girl has any real friends, they will tell her about your skanky ways as soon as she gets back to the table. In general, you will have lost a friend (maybe several) as well as becoming a laughing stock. (I witnessed this scenario last spring… since I wasn’t involved, it was actually quite amuzing).

Twin Blow Out - PreGame Festivities

[ Blogged in realtime, Wednesday, 20-Jun-2007, kinda like that stupid TV show 24, but without that asshat kid of Donald Sutherland’s… ]

Here we are folks. It’s a wonderfully balmy Wednesday night at CatScratch Jane’s. I’m sitting with a bird’s eye view of all the going’s on. Karaoke is getting ready to kick off and it looks as if all the regular crowd (good and bad) has started peppering in.

The Twin Blow Out is starting here tomorrow, but the biker boys on their motor-scooters are plentiful. The patio’s a-buzzing, the inside is buzzing. We’re looking forward to an eventful night. Bring on the singers.

A real blow-out, right? Uh. No. It’s another train-wreck. That’s what I get for being all amp’d up for a party! Thus far we have heard a not-so-right-on rendition of “Live and Let Die” (help me!). Now we are on to the worst drunken interpretation of “You Look So Good In Love” that I’ve ever heard… whining included.

The place is packed. Folks are piled up everywhere, inside and out. I’m dying for a beer. But dammit, it’s busy. I’m going to wither up and fall in the floor from lack of alcohol. But as I sit here, waiting for Cutie Pie (our beer wench) to surface, I think to myself “Damn, girl! You’re hair looks gooood!”

Finally! A hot guy is getting up to sing. I missed his name, but he’s wearing a polo shirt and baseball cap. He’s singing Toby! You go, boy! Mercy me, yes. He sure should have been a cowboy.

I’m still waiting on my beer. It’s nearly 10pm. Through the open windows I hear the clank of the triangle being busted by a gaggle of pool shooting biker boys. Now and then a loud, orgasmic burst of noise comes when one of the bikes fire up.

Ya know, Christmas is coming up. Harley. Under the tree. Big red bow. Thanks in advance to whomever decides to make this purchase for me. I’m obliged.

Finally, at 9:55pm, Mark drags his ass in. ”Log the time, Scotty!” He has mercy and goes to hunt Cutie Pie for my beer. Bless you, hon. I was withering.

By 10 I’m thinking, “I thought this was going to be the kick off to a bad ass biker weekend party… it’s more like B-97.5 night in the local geriatric ward.” Never has an hour seemed more like ten. Never have I wanted someone to shoot me in the ears worse than I do right this very minute. “Log the time, Scotty!”

10:01. Scotty is so excited to be here that he’s taken to watching the drag queens on the t.v. above the bar. *snicker* You dirty boy, you. But wait: Here comes Nike! He’s belting out some bad ass Lionel Ritchie love song, The boy possesses the ability to wake up a bored and otherwise depressed drinking crowd.

Oh my, what’s this? The heavens have opened up and some good singers with some happy ditties are now on a roll. Joe hops up and belts out a soulful blues number (he really rocks the hell out of the blues). Now if we can talk him into losing his “Bat Outta Hell” CD… *wink wink* You know I love ya, Joe.

I belted out some goodies too, if I do say so myself. I dueted with Cowboy Billy-Joe-Tom-Bob and sang “Dontcha.” He kicks ass on the rap part. Freestyle baby!
I then attempted to do the night justice, with Nike’s help, by belting out “At Last” … the Etta James classic. Choice. Very choice.

My news reporter skills are being diminished by the amount of cold beer and Jack Daniels I have consumed. At this time, all I can really say is that everytime I get up from my corner booth, I end up grabbing this poor girls ass. So, I end up making light of it, in my regular Diva style. I own up to it. I look her in the eye and tell her, “I’m sorry for grabbing your ass everytime I get walk by!”

“Log the time, Scotty!” It’s 11:14, and I’m drunk. Food ordered. Yah! I comment to Scotty that we are evil. He says “No, we’re just honest.” Good one.

Finally. Something note-worthy. A drunken skank finally falls out of her chair into the floor. NEXT! Scotty dies laughing, and notes the time is 11:23.

Food on tap. CatScratch has the best food around. Especially if too much alcohol has been consumed. Cue the onion rings.

And the french fries.
Scotty is in the loo, so I’m logging the time as 11:34.

So, if tonight was any forecast of the drunken festivities that are to go on for the next several days at CatScratch… all I can say is WOW! Good luck with that!
I maintain here and now, I’m Diva enough to stay on the porch, because I certainly can’t keep up with the big dogs. *rolls eyes*

Thoughts from A Booth In A Bar

Just imagine. Picture it in your head.

Diva is sitting in a quiet, corner booth at Catscratch Jane’s. It’s 9:30pm on a Wednesday night. Diva is occupying this booth solo. This situation is surreal, and I started thinking. And for me, thinking is usually not a good thing when beer is involved.



My 1st thought is this: I am sitting here, alone. Am I bummed that my friends aren’t here? Am I feeling as if my friends have deserted me for bigger and better things? Do I feel like I am being neglected? Am I getting bitter? No. No. No. No. And no.



I am actually quite content with my life and the way it’s turning out. I’m glad to see all of my friends are happy, content and satisfied in where the last year has taken them. I am totally capable of amuzing myself and having fun in the situation I find myself in.



My second thought: Yes, I miss my friends. But, we have a lifetime of memories made in the short span of approximately one year. It’s not often that a group of mis-matched people come together like we did. Every single one of us had some sort of need that this rowdy, loud bunch was filling. Why, it was only a year ago that we all magically morphed to Catscratch Jane’s. And dear Lord, the place wouldn’t be the same for several months.
Then something happened. We all started to settle down. Some of us fell in love. Some of us found satisfaction in our careers… Regardless of what it was, we all started to find what we were looking for in life.



All of this brings me to a minor crash in self-analyzation. I’m 100% secure to know that, although I’m sitting quietly in a corner watching the goings on around me, we all meant and still mean alot to each other. In some cases, we’re far apart in our physical being. In some cases, we’re just right down the road. Regardless, we are still together in soul. Pirates deep down? Maybe just a little… that Pirate dwells in each one of us forever.



We are really fortunate to have had the opportunity to build bonds that keep us close enough to have a quick lunch, early dinner, a cold beer, or even just a comment on MySpace. God bless technology.



I really do love where my life is now. But I still thank God every day that I’ve been blessed with a bounty of friends ~ near and far~ ~old and new~
Sappy, yes. But, sometimes even Pirates can be sentimental.


















A toast to you, my friends. May you find love, happiness and everything your heart desires.

So, I'm A Catty Bitch ~ Sue me

First, I have to say love is grand. Love is the greatest feeling in the world, especially if it is true love and the other person is the one you intend to spend your forever with. I will preach that day and night. I am indeed in love with the man I intend to spend forever with and I cherish him very much.

However, in a relationship (and my fiancee agrees) two people can still maintain relationships and friendships that were in place prior to the meeting of said significant other. Individual identity is what attracted you to that other person and that other person to you to begin with.

What is the point here? Well, the point is that just because I have found someone that I love, cherish and want to spend forever with, doesn't mean I wish to cut the friends I had in my life before him out of it.
If nothing else, I wish for us to remain close. Yes, there will be less time out for me. No, I won't attend every Wednesday night gathering. But IT IS NOT because my man doesn't encourage it and IT IS NOT because I love my friends any less.

It is simply because I have a teenage daughter who really needs me to be home. It is because I sometimes get to steal a weekday with my fella and his kids.

Just because I'm not there all the time doesn't mean that I don't want to hear the stories about who did what, or in our case, see the photographic evidence.
Just because I'm not always there, doesn't mean that I am turning my back on my friends. Just because I'm not always there doesn't mean that any one of them can't call me in the middle of the night to cry on my shoulder if they need to.

I am dedicated to spending my forever with HIM. I am very much in love. But my friends were the ones who cried with me when I was sad. They laughed with me when I was tickled about something. They are there through thick and thin. I love them and I will always want to hear the sappy dating drama (tales) and I won't just be smiling a fake fucking smile and shaking my nappy fucking head acting like I care. I will be listening intently, most likely holding my gut from laughing so hard and truly caring about what words are passing from my friends' mouth to my ears.

Ok, now specifically to you, the one who pretended to be our friends. Who the hell do you think you are? Seriously? Do you think you're high, mighty and perfect?
These girls all befriended you when you had nothing but extra belly fat.
No, girl, see this one loud and clear.... YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE ANY OF US.
At least I've heard that's what you said....
YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT!!!!!!

1. Friends don't molest someone else's man. There were plenty of occassions that you blatently stuck your tongue down the throat of a taken man. Granted, Ron was not mine... but the other man in question was a claimed man. You had no respect for boundaries and no respect for your girlfriends.
WHICH SHOWS YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE ANY OF US because there is not a single one of us who would look twice let alone deep throat one of the other girl's boyfriend.
Just not kosher... not acceptable....

2. Friends don't just quit talking to friends. If nothing else, when a happy event such as an impending wedding or pregnancy is on deck, I would think a girl would want her friends close by.
WHICH SHOWS YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE ANY OF US because I would be honored for all of my friends and family to be there when I say I do.

Either you didn't want us getting close to your man because you know that paybacks are a bitch... or you were horrified that if you let him speak to us, that he would find out about your legendary exploits on the skank side.

Hmmmm..... go figure.Everybody pulls a drunk now and then... get over it. Hey Dorothy.......

At the right time

First and foremost I have to say that we have all had our emotional trials and tribulations in the past year. Some way more serious and real than others, but none the less we've all rode that rollercoaster together.

Of course, all referring the pirates that have stuck together. You said that you felt empty and that you were a runner. Hello baby... we've all been there. Fact is, that not a single one of us can say we haven't shut out the important people in our lives and dwelled within our own self trying to find out what the hell is going on in our own little pirate heads. I will step up to the plate and admit that Diva did her fair share of melting down on occasion (wink wink) during 2006. Yes, we all had rumblings of dismay with each other here and there. Yes, we all kind of butted heads and we all kicked sand at the umpires.

BUT THE TOTALLY AWESOME THING IS:
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!!
We can argue. We can say things that might be bitchy or sarcastic (again, I've said my fair share of things that were totally bitchy since last February)... we can stray from our friends and withdraw. And sometimes all our TRUE friends can do is take a step back and let us deal with our demons, and eventually get over whatever it is that's bringing us down only to find our friends standing there, with open arms waiting to grab us back and tell us how much they love us now just like they always have... I, like you, am a proud yet humble and grateful recipient of that love. Back in the spring of 2006, when I first met you and Becky, I was hurting and alone and in such desperate need of TRUE FRIENDS that would love me, grow with me, kick me in the ass when I need it. And that is what I found when I found all y'all.

You know, when me and Tony found one another I was so thankful that it wasn't one minute sooner. I wasn't ready. I've come to realize, God blesses us with what we need... not when we want and ask for it, but when HE feels that our life is ready to share with another. Think back, if I had met Tony six months ago, do you really think I had it in me to nurture an infant relationship into love? We all know the answer to that one don't we.... Absolutely NO. I, like you, and Becky, and Robyn, was blessed with someone special when my life was in order to be shared.

Cheers to you, baby! For your ability to recognize, and conquer, your demons. Glad to have you back and estatic to see you happy.

Love ya!
The Diva

24-Bar Break - Farewell my friend

Girl, I think we are all so numb right now that this really happened. Your smile, you laugh, your 24 bar breaks, your 1/2 sweet 1/2 unsweet tea, your friendship...
You know though, I wouldn't have taken one cent for the year I have been able to say that you are my friend. Every smile, every hug, every time I ran from your camera. Girl we all made some awesome memories together. I've said it before and I'll say it again. We all found each other when we all needed something. God gave us each other and though you're gone, you're really still here with each one of us.
I LOVE YOU, SUSAN.