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2.05.2008

Nekkid Chicken, Clone Production & Damn Doctors



OMG!!! It's Tuesday!! Nekkid Chicken Tuesday as hosted by our beloved Speedcat Hollydale.
Skip right over there, ya here??



Big T and I started talking about creating a clone shortly after we married (4 months ago).
This is great news and I couldn't be any more tickled for real.

Growing a mini-T in the oven. It would be a beautiful thing.

So, what's so sad about about it, you might be asking.

Well, I'll tell ya.

I decided with my advancing age (an astounding 37 years), that maybe I should go see Dr. Brad and get official clearance that my oven is still capable of baking without undercooking or burning the buns.

Now don't you fret, kids.

The news is nothing Earth shattering.

Just a big FAT reality check.

1st. I'm getting old.

Dammit.

If a body is in the 35+ age group and goes to the OB/GYN and tell them that you're gonna have hot monkey sex with the intention of procreatation...

LORD HAVE MERCY.

Red flags start flying up, sirens start sounding throughout the office, and a big fat sticker goes on your chart.

In fact, because I'm in the 35+ age bracket (apparently well into middle age), I will have to go through the joys of doctor visits nearly double what I did with my last clone (16 years ago).

2nd. Dr. Brad looks at me all serious during the consultation after the exam and says, "We strongly suggest you drop around 50 pounds before actively pursuing pregnancy."

*blink blink*

I sat there for a minute.

Depressed already that I am old and I saw the sticker stating so on my chart....
I decided to ask Dr. Brad, "So, why don't you just tell me I'm old and fat?
Wouldn't that be exactly what you're saying?
Besides, you aren't telling me anything these crows feet around my eyes and the scale haven't already disclosed."
And he goes, "Well, no. It's just that with your age.."

"Fine, I'll go to the gym. But I think you should just start being honest with your patients.
Old and fat, buddy."

10 comments:

Real Live Lesbian said...

Old fat women have babies ALL THE TIME! LMAO

This IS the South after all!

And you're not. He's just a doctor. Assholes!

Buzzardbilly said...

OMG! I was a nekkid chicken virgin. Never saw that pic before but it is glorious.

I don't have kids, but when I was 36 went to the OB/GYN because we were trying to have them. Man, is that one bummer visit. We got to have a loverly discussion about how chromosomes start to break down as a woman gets older, but he still gave me the green light to try (even if my ovaries didn't comply).

Doctors = Bastiges

Mike said...

My wife had a baby when she was old. It's no big deal. The weight thing might have to do with the fact that it is harder to lose the weight after the baby when you are older.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

I am 40 going 41, and don't feel older yet. Although as I have said before, my head keeps getting shinier (from hair falling out) :)
Doctors are not life planners. I think that they need to take there own medicine more often.

NEKID chicken my ohhhh my. "Were did your feathers go lil chickie"???? ... a great pet? - no shedding and free breakfast.

Thanks for playing in the LAST WCT ... I will enter you on the BBoP

Mr. Fabulous said...

I am gonna see that chicken when I close my eyes at night...

Nosjunkie said...

we are gonna have one fat ass giggle at that idiot in a month or so when you fall pregnant with triplets or something

Leighann said...

I'm certain you would have lost MORE than 50lbs had you thrown the doc out the window!

Bella said...

I hear ya' sistah.

This is my specialty you know...birthing babies. ha.

I admit I was freaked when a girl younger than me had "advanced maternal age" written on her chart.

Of course, there's an older doctor that writes "elderly multip" on the chart...

What's one more child anyway???

Good luck.

Bella

Punch-Drunk said...

Don't you love doctors...I can relate...good luck with whatever you decide and I hope all of your wishes come true!! Have fun trying!!

Diva said...

RLL- I appreciate that!

Buzzard- Yep, the big blotch on the record.

Mike- Are you inferring I'm old at my tender age? You're supposed to be supportive here.

Speedy- The last my ass.

FAB- Horrific, no?

Lee- I'll LMAO fo rizzly.

Leighann- I bet you're right. We'll give that whirl next visit.

Bella- After the week I've had with the existing heathens, I'm not all too sure I'm willing to do it again!!

Punch- Muchas Gracias!! We'll see what happens!